I don't own a 9mm but if I did I'd take CCWI's advice.
Heavy bullets go deeper. If they open up and retain their weight like HST's and Ranger's, they do a lot more damage which means faster incapacitation.
In .40, I really like the new HST 180 gr. They seem milder shooting than the 165 Ranger's I was using and according to the tests they have seen, the OCSD range staff says they really open up nicely.
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