Ah.. my friend, you must remember that there is often more than one way to skin the gato...
Springfield has a little friend for sale.... Springfield Armory
Perhaps a substitution is in order... the women, they seem to love the 9mm govt. model handsgun 
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"Under the table Greebo sat and washed himself. Occasionally he burped.
Vampires have risen from the dead, the grave and the crypt, but have never managed it from the cat."
"Greebo turned upon Granny Weatherwax a yellow-eyed stare of self-satisfied malevolence, such as cats always reserve for people who don't like them, and purred. Greebo was possibly the only cat who could snigger in purr"
Greebo the Cat - Terry Pratchett "Witches Abroad"
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