I think you will find the 9MM and 45ACP are not too different in recoil. The 45ACP is more of a push. It has more recoil than the 9MM. But in the fashion it is delivered you will not perceive as much. Hard to explain but you will see when you shoot them back to back.
Now the 40S&W has a very snappy recoil. IMO the perceived recoil on a 40S&W is more than a 45ACP.
So as you check out the Sub Compact/Compact line of handguns IMHO recoil goes from lightest to strongest 9MM, 45ACP, 40S&W.
A 230gr bullet at 848FPS is the bomdigity!!!
cough cough Kimber Ultra CDPII!
